Dish love the appropriation of Biblical legends. As such, we are practically falling out of our tube tops at the chance to reference Cain and Abel vis-a-vis MADONNA’s latest appearance in the headlines.
It appears that Madge is most definitely not her brother’s keeper, as trashy bro CHRISTOPHER CICCONE just penned a tell-all book called “Life With My Sister Madonna.”
Early reports put the book in line for a prestigious “Captain Obvious” award, as it seems mostly comprised of tidbits about Madonna being a total whack-job. Page Six reports that some of the less-than-juicy factoids include that Madge may have slapped fish with INGRID CASARES and that her husband GUY RITCHIE is a raging homophobe.
Dish did, however, find one piece of information that would’ve been worth writing home about. It seems that Madonna’s interior decorating scheme includes an 8x12-foot photo of herself in S&M gear lying on a bed full of dead animals. Plus, it’s in a place where the kids can see it.
Dish has done the research and found that one Beverly Hills shrink offers an “all-you-can-analyze” lifetime therapy plan. For one low introductory rate, Lourdes, Rocco and David can take all the time they need to recover from the looming omnipresence of Madge’s leathery vadge.
The incredible, edible Elton
Garbage. Live eels. SIR ELTON JOHN. What do these things have in common? Dish does not want to eat them.
But there’s another commonality: overly liberal ice creamers Ben and Jerry have created another affront to common decency by craft-ing a limited edition ice cream flavor in honor of Elton.
“Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road” contains chocolate ice cream, peanut butter cookie dough, butter brickle and white chocolate chunks. In short, it contains what is probably the plump pop star’s breakfast, lunch, dinner and midnight snack. Dish doesn’t want to be overly judgmental, but we think Elton might not have thought out the implications of a notoriously overweight celebrity shilling heavy cream.
“Brickle Road” was created to celebrate the star’s July 21 concert in the creamery’s home state Vermont, the only American state he had yet to play. It will be sold from July 18-25 in Vermont Ben & Jerry&rsqu
Elton John (Photo by AP)
o;s locations, with proceeds going to benefit the Elton John AIDS Foundation.
Dish is no conspiracy theorist, but something about this is suspect. The confluence of Vermont, Elton John and white chocolate makes us think that the heavy hand of the gay mafia is at play.
Maybe California was stealing Vermont’s early coupling thunder, so drastic measures were being taken to get it back? Stay tuned, dear readers, as Dish creates our own carton of “A Caramel in the Wind” and does some detective work.
Trying to set the record straight
Hey, know who’s not gay? AL REYNOLDS. Know why he’s not gay? Because he says so!
The former Mr. STAR JONES has long been plagued by allegations of buggery, but he is refuting them in the most respectable, legitimate way possible: Posting some homemade videos on YouTube. That bastion of online credibility is now home to several clips of Reynolds speaking with an interviewer about all the irrefutable evidence pointing to his love of boobies.
“I teach kids at a university,” Reynolds says. “I have a doctorate degree that I’m working on … This trumps the gossip because it’s the truth.”
Dish is sold! No gay man alive would be caught doing something as tacky as pursuing higher education or expanding young minds. Sorry Al, we’ll never call your ex-wife a beard again. Even if she’s actually growing one.
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